Lighten Up
If I could lighten up a little I’d let myself sing as loudly as possible and I wouldn’t care if the neighbours heard. If I could lighten up a little I’d jump on the bed. I would move to Paris and dye my hair a rich shade of red. I would take deeper breaths, stay up all night, and read poetry to strangers. I would dance. Naked. In front of a mirror. And I’d laugh at the way my flesh jiggles. If I could lighten up a little I would take bubble baths, read more, and make decisions quickly without agonizing over the outcomes. I would breathe and forgive myself for making mistakes. I would cheer loudly at hockey games just for the hell of it. I would do cannonballs of the diving board. I’d paint with my feet and relish the goo sliding between my toes. I would do more work and less procrastinating. I would build sandcastles too close to the incoming tide. I would dress up in gowns and make fake Oscar speeches, I would sit inside grocery carts and have someone push me down the aisles, I would just get my license already. I would hug people instead of shaking their hand, kiss everyone on both cheeks, and when I laughed it would be from the depths of my joy. I would stop complaining about the weather and get dressed in the dark. I’d shake out my worries by shaking my soul.
If I could lighten up a little maybe I wouldn’t be so scared. Maybe I could shake the blues with a strawberry milkshake. Maybe I would be able to take a breath without choking on my tears. Maybe I’d get over all the things I can’t do, haven’t done, don’t want to do or haven’t done right. Maybe I’d throw my hands up in the air and proclaim “How fascinating” before I had the chance to knock myself down. Maybe I would be less selfish, more selfless. Less fake, more real. Maybe I would surprise myself with how great I really am. Maybe I’d take less and give more. Maybe I would have the courage to get closer to god. Maybe I would appreciate the moment and live from the heart. If I could lighten up a little, maybe I would help to light up the world.
Jackie Trafford said,
February 24, 2009 at 4:42 pm
Dear Alexis,
Your beautiful spirit already lights up the world by your presence in it. It is always difficult when one is young and getting started in life to know exactly which direction to travel. This way or that, this career or not, retrain of refrain. By being exactly who you are you will be able to make all the right choices. Even if they aren’t then you just redirect yourself, no harm done. You can still go to Paris (but please don’t dye your hair red!), you can sing at the top of your lungs and do all the things that make you happy. Just know that we love you to inifinity and that we are always so proud of you……
Love always, Auntie Jackie
Anne said,
February 24, 2009 at 9:37 pm
Dear Alexis,
I like your Auntie Jackie, think your beautiful spirit already lights up the world . You have such heart and a spirit that soars with endless possibilities. You will find your way and will live the life that you are meant to live. Maybe you don’t know which way to turn … and may even make a couple of different turns .. but just think of all the lessons you will learn along the way. Imagine the good times you may have if you take a different path than the one you think you should take.
You are much stronger and have more courage than you realize because you show your weaknesses and fears – and that is very real Alexis. … not fake.
You alone, hold the key to your happiness and happiness is an open door. Walk through that door, and enjoy every moment rather than worrying if it’s right or if it’s wrong. Whatever you decide, whichever road you take, it will be the right choice, because you made it.
Lots of love and hugs, Auntie Annie
Louise said,
February 25, 2009 at 7:44 pm
I hate it when cyberspace steals my words!
I responded here yesterday — and poof, like magic, my words disappeared into the Ethernet.
Listen to your Aunties my darling daughter and always remember,
We all love you to infinity and beyond.
Mom